Ash Wednesday

It’s Ash Wednesday and the hospital I work for distributes ashes for Catholics. An elderly woman, noticing the lack of ashes on my forehead, came up to me and asked, “Where are your ashes young man?"

I gave her a blank stare, I'm not against talking about religion, but people don't normally take up the subject.

 "Aren’t you catholic?” She said. She was smug about this like it’s a fucking crime to not be catholic, but whatever.

I replied, “No I’m Muslim.”

“Oh really?” she asked.

“Yeah after 9-11 I just had this real strong urge to become one.”

I still have no idea why I said this. Usually when people ask about my religious beliefs I tell them I worship Satan, Easter Bunny, toast, the force, tortilla Jesus or some other wacky shit I think of off the top of my head.

I love my country, served in the Army and all that stuff, but something about this old crab just make me want to punch her. Since I can’t do that, I’ll just be as offensive I can, well not offensive enough that a trip to Human Resources is warranted.

“Well you know that religion is all hogwash (yes she actually said hogwash), according to the bible…” Then she starting preaching about some holy shit I can't really remember because I said, “THE ONE TRUE GOD ONLY RECOGNIZES THE QURAN!”

She looked offended and stormed off. This bitch, who’s forcing her religion on me, is offended.

I think I’m going to scream out “praise be to Allah!” if I see her again. Maybe put some towels on my head too. What if I was actually Muslim? Here she is telling me that her book of lies is better than my book of lies.

Still, I don't know what gives her (or anyone) the right ask me about my religion.